Capturing Memories, Part One

While Bella was snoozing next to me this afternoon, I lay awake, exhausted but unable to rest my mind. That's normal for me these days. Today it occurred to me that in just a few weeks, I'll be at the half-way point in my pregnancy. It's gone by so quickly and now I'm scrambling. I don't want to forget anything about this pregnancy. This is my little miracle baby and these months of preparation are precious to me. Already the queasiness of the first couple months has begun to fade from my memory...So, forgive me if this is a little too much information, but I want to capture some of these memories before they fade away completely.

I was seven weeks and two days along in my pregnancy when I took the pregnancy test, so I already had nearly two months under my belt. Even though I was late for my cycle (which isn't unusual for me with my PCOS anyway), the three weeks prior I definitely felt like something was a little "off" but nothing so drastic as to send me running to the drugstore for a test. I was convinced I was going to begin my cycle at any minute because I was definitely crampy and had all my typical premenstrual symptoms. When I was about a week and half late I started taking naps with Bella in the afternoons. I was exhausted! I'd talk with my best friend Cheryl every couple of days and would whine periodically about the fact that I was late. Then, when I was three weeks late, I called Cheryl and asked her to describe how she felt when she was newly pregnant... I think I was just beginning to wonder if, indeed, I could actually be pregnant. The more she described how she had felt pregnant, the more I wondered. She encouraged me to take a pregnancy test, but I wasn't ready. I just couldn't face another negative test. I rationalized that I'd never been more than four weeks late, so I intended to wait until I was four weeks and two days late - just to make sure! Certainly it wouldn't hurt to wait another week or so, would it?

The next morning I asked Greg to go get bagels for breakfast because I wasn't feeling very good. When he came home with blueberry instead of cinnamon raisin, I took one look at that bagel and said "I won't eat that." Fortunately, he had also brought plain bagels, and that sounded much better, so he fixed one up for me with some sour cream. He brought it to me and I took a bite. My stomach lurched. I couldn't even chew it... the bite came right back out, I apologized profusely, and went back to bed. I lay there all day, sleeping and feeling queasy, munching on Saltine crackers and wondering. That evening was the "winter party" for Greg's office and I was in no condition to go. After he left, I drug myself out of bed and wandered into Irene's room to see if she would be willing to run to the store for me. She said "Sure, what do you need?" and I said "A pregnancy test?". She looked at me like I had two heads and said, basically, sorry, but that's too awkward... I don't know what even possessed me to ask her! Of course it's too awkward for a 16-year-old! Pregnancy insanity was already setting in! So, I put my hair in a pony tail and went to CVS. I remember standing in that aisle, overwhelmed by the selection of tests and wondering if it really made a bit of difference which one I bought (something I've wondered ever since I was twenty and began this journey). At home, I decided to wait and take the test first thing in the morning as they always recommend. I didn't say a word to Greg when he came home late that night.

The next morning was Sunday and we were in our typical before-church routine. Greg and I were chatting as we were getting ready- he was in the shower and I was puttering around in the bathroom. While we were talking, I decided to take the test. I very carefully removed the wrapper, trying to keep it quiet and talking all the while to cover any rustling noises. I took the test and as I set it down I realized that it was positive...just like that! No waiting! Everything stopped in the world. Greg was still talking but I wasn't listening anymore. The "processing line" that is supposed to let you know that the test is working hadn't even come up yet so I wondered if this one was a dud. I waited about ten seconds (or an eternity) and the processing line finally came up. Nothing else changed... it was still VERY positive.. as bold and beautiful as the one on the box. My hand was trembling as I picked up the test. I was in absolute shock. All the thoughts I'd ever had about coming up with a neat and fun way to tell my husband we were expecting went right out of my head. This was HUGE! There was no way I could wait and tell him in some unique way. I couldn't even speak!!! So, I stood there, unmoving, unblinking, until he got out of the shower. He took one look at me and asked what was wrong. I walked over to him and held up the test for him to see. He looked at it and got the biggest smile on his face. "You're pregnant. You're PREGNANT!" and then he gave me the biggest hug ever, saying "you're pregnant" over and over again in my ear. It was perfect. I think somewhere in the back of my head I was bracing for Greg to be upset. We'd see-sawed back and forth so many times on the issue of extending our family that I wasn't 100% sure of his reaction. But, it was perfect. Two hours later I got to go to church and praise God for this blessing, which was perfect timing for me! I couldn't have waited much longer!