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Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Lost
I seem to have misplaced myself. I think I got buried under obligations and expectations, routines and ambiguity, materialism and conformity. Where did my personal quiet time go? What happened to bible study and time spent listening for the voice of the Lord? And introspection? Where'd that go? I've become complacent and it doesn't set well anymore. So I'm evicting the complacent imposter and committing to finding my true voice again, the one that dwells within the Lord, from whom I gain my strength and peace.
Through Him, I'm striving to become a healthier self, both physically and spiritually.
And one more thing. Africa and the calling that the Lord placed on my heart a few years ago is coming back to the surface, with increasing clarity. That road is waiting for me. I cannot wait to see where it leads!
Through Him, I'm striving to become a healthier self, both physically and spiritually.
And one more thing. Africa and the calling that the Lord placed on my heart a few years ago is coming back to the surface, with increasing clarity. That road is waiting for me. I cannot wait to see where it leads!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Pause
Where have the last three months gone? Isaac's infancy seems to be flying by even faster than Bella's did and I feel an urgency to stop time altogether for a moment and just
pause.
Holding him close to my chest, I nestle his head beneath my chin, feeling the softness of his downy hair and the warmth of his body. There's nothing in the world like a baby-snuggle and I marvel at the miracle of his creation.
He's growing and changing so quickly that I find I've barely reconciled myself to one stage and he's on to the next. Isaac's sweet smiles have given way to laughter (first laugh 11-10-09) and his calm disposition to joyful recognition (now seeing me from across the room and melting my heart with cooing and smiles). He's reaching out for things that catch his eye and is able to grab them and pull them to his mouth. He rolled over for the first time last night (tummy to back). He loves the Christmas tree, but not quite as much as Dora or Elmo. Much to my chagrin, he's not the sling-baby that Bella was. He tolerates it sometimes, but it isn't the instant solution it was for Bella. It's fun to see their differences already. Unlike Bella, he loves his bouncy seat and will happily kick in it while I'm getting dinner ready.
I love nursing him because it's a wonderful excuse to cuddle. The early awkwardness of breastfeeding has long-since passed. He makes the softest, sweetest noises when he nurses and I fall in love with him all over again every time.
I often think of Jesus' mother Mary and how she must have felt holding Him as a babe. The Bible tells us that after the shepherds visited, "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. " (Luke 2:19) And that's what I find myself doing as well.... treasuring this sweet baby boy and each tender moment with him. I've always loved the Christmas story, but am so thankful to be finding new insight in it.
pause.
Holding him close to my chest, I nestle his head beneath my chin, feeling the softness of his downy hair and the warmth of his body. There's nothing in the world like a baby-snuggle and I marvel at the miracle of his creation.
He's growing and changing so quickly that I find I've barely reconciled myself to one stage and he's on to the next. Isaac's sweet smiles have given way to laughter (first laugh 11-10-09) and his calm disposition to joyful recognition (now seeing me from across the room and melting my heart with cooing and smiles). He's reaching out for things that catch his eye and is able to grab them and pull them to his mouth. He rolled over for the first time last night (tummy to back). He loves the Christmas tree, but not quite as much as Dora or Elmo. Much to my chagrin, he's not the sling-baby that Bella was. He tolerates it sometimes, but it isn't the instant solution it was for Bella. It's fun to see their differences already. Unlike Bella, he loves his bouncy seat and will happily kick in it while I'm getting dinner ready.
I love nursing him because it's a wonderful excuse to cuddle. The early awkwardness of breastfeeding has long-since passed. He makes the softest, sweetest noises when he nurses and I fall in love with him all over again every time.
I often think of Jesus' mother Mary and how she must have felt holding Him as a babe. The Bible tells us that after the shepherds visited, "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. " (Luke 2:19) And that's what I find myself doing as well.... treasuring this sweet baby boy and each tender moment with him. I've always loved the Christmas story, but am so thankful to be finding new insight in it.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Heaven-sent
It was not love at first sight for Isaac and I. Oh, I was excited to meet him, enjoyed holding him and caring for him, and got a kick out of showing him off to others. But having experienced that all-encompassing love that you would expect a parent to have for their child with Bella, I knew that I wasn't there yet. The very first moment I held Bella in my arms, I was captivated. I fell head-over-heels for her and we bonded right away. But with Isaac things were different. I loved him, but I just wasn't anywhere near as attached to him as I was Bella. Until a couple weeks ago. That sweet boy started smiling at me and something inside of me flip-flopped and I was sold. This little guy is just the light of my days. I love having a baby in my arms, love to see his dark blue eyes looking up at me, and LOVE LOVE LOVE his sweet smile. He's grown and changed so much already. Where does the time go? I know the next few months will just fly by and so I'm praying that I'll treasure each and every day. Time is precious!
We gave our son the name Isaac William James Freeman. The name James comes from Greg's grandfather and William from mine. Last week I had the incredible pleasure of introducing my grandfather to his namesake. It was such a sweet moment for all of us and it made me so glad that we gave Isaac his name.
I look at Isaac now, sleeping peacefully beside me, and my heart just swells with love for him and thanksgiving to the God who blessed me with him!
We gave our son the name Isaac William James Freeman. The name James comes from Greg's grandfather and William from mine. Last week I had the incredible pleasure of introducing my grandfather to his namesake. It was such a sweet moment for all of us and it made me so glad that we gave Isaac his name.
I look at Isaac now, sleeping peacefully beside me, and my heart just swells with love for him and thanksgiving to the God who blessed me with him!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
If I only had one month to live...
Our church, Lake Christian Church, is doing a church-wide study based on the book "One Month to Live" by Kerry and Chris Shook. The idea is to examine yourself and your life and determine what changes you would make if you discovered you only had one month left to live. Would you spend more time with your family? Call those friends you've been meaning to but just never found the time? Evangelize more? Study the Bible more? Become more faithful in your prayer life? Go skydiving? Run a marathon? Forgive the person who hurt you years ago or ask for forgiveness yourself? It's about learning to live your life passionately, loving more completely, learning humbly, and preparing to leave boldly.
As I sit here this morning, looking at my sweet newborn baby boy, I can't help but think that if I only had thirty days left to live, I would hold him every moment of it. I am so thankful for him! He's such a gift to us, such an answered prayer. After so many years of infertility, to be blessed with Isaac just brings a fullness to my heart in a way that is so hard to put into words. It isn't because I finally conceived, but that the Lord blessed us. It's less about the biology of Isaac's arrival and more about the sweet way that the Lord lead us through this entire journey. Does that make sense? As a step-parent and an adoptive parent, I learned that the heart does not require biological ties in order to love unconditionally. I was blessed abundantly with Irene and Isabella in ways I didn't fully expect. Parenting them both has been more challenging and infinitely more rewarding than I had ever anticipated. Had I conceived when I had hoped to, it is likely that I'd never have had either of them. The gift of Isaac is the story of the Lord's sovereignty. It is the acknowledgement that He knows what is best for us and believing in the promises found in the book of Jeremiah.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. [a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
As I sit here this morning, looking at my sweet newborn baby boy, I can't help but think that if I only had thirty days left to live, I would hold him every moment of it. I am so thankful for him! He's such a gift to us, such an answered prayer. After so many years of infertility, to be blessed with Isaac just brings a fullness to my heart in a way that is so hard to put into words. It isn't because I finally conceived, but that the Lord blessed us. It's less about the biology of Isaac's arrival and more about the sweet way that the Lord lead us through this entire journey. Does that make sense? As a step-parent and an adoptive parent, I learned that the heart does not require biological ties in order to love unconditionally. I was blessed abundantly with Irene and Isabella in ways I didn't fully expect. Parenting them both has been more challenging and infinitely more rewarding than I had ever anticipated. Had I conceived when I had hoped to, it is likely that I'd never have had either of them. The gift of Isaac is the story of the Lord's sovereignty. It is the acknowledgement that He knows what is best for us and believing in the promises found in the book of Jeremiah.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. [a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Mother of Three
Wow, this post is delayed! Sorry friends! Our sweet Isaac finally arrived on September 4th at 23:23 after 39 hours of labor, weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs 15 oz! Pics soon, I promise!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Nervous and Sad
A couple weeks ago, Greg and I filed a petition called a CHINS (child in need of supervision) petition. The purpose of this petition is two-fold. Since Irene is a minor we are still financially responsible for anything that she may do. This petition will help protect us. Also, the petition provides services for children in need of them, ie. counseling, drug testing, etc. Essentially what will happen is that we will go before a judge and explain why we filed the petition and what concerns we as parents have about our child. Then Irene will have an opportunity to express her opinion. Finally, the judge will rule on what he thinks is best for Irene. She will be placed on juvenile probation and required to abide by all court instructions, including whatever services they deem necessary for her. She will most likely be ordered to come back home and to abide by our rules and expectations in a respectful manner. If she runs away again, is caught lying to us, skips school, misses her counseling sessions, or in any other way violates her probation, she will go back to court where the judge will determine a juvenile detention sentence of up to ten days. Repeated or severe offenses may result in her being placed in a residential treatment center or group home. The judge may decide to send her to a treatment center right away if he thinks it will best benefit her. We are expecting her to be angry and defiant, but have been assured by the probation officer that the kids in this program eventually resign to cooperate.
We learned yesterday that a member of our church works at the same place as the mother where Irene is staying right now. Apparently this church member has openly shared her opinion that she feels we are too strict with Irene and completely disagrees with the way we parent her. This makes me so sad... I am so weary of people passing judgement on how we parent our children. Have they walked in our shoes? Do they know the whole story? Do they know even a quarter of it? If I chastise my daughter or speak harshly to her, does that automatically make me a bad parent? Am I not human? Could there be more to the story than what is being seen by others? Do children generally come with an instruction booklet that tells parents how to handle perfectly each and every thing that comes up? If so, I appear to have lost ours. We are in general so thankful for our church family, but there have been a couple instances of judgement like this and it is beginning to make me want to keep to myself. Feeling so discouraged.
And all this is happening the week before my due date.
We learned yesterday that a member of our church works at the same place as the mother where Irene is staying right now. Apparently this church member has openly shared her opinion that she feels we are too strict with Irene and completely disagrees with the way we parent her. This makes me so sad... I am so weary of people passing judgement on how we parent our children. Have they walked in our shoes? Do they know the whole story? Do they know even a quarter of it? If I chastise my daughter or speak harshly to her, does that automatically make me a bad parent? Am I not human? Could there be more to the story than what is being seen by others? Do children generally come with an instruction booklet that tells parents how to handle perfectly each and every thing that comes up? If so, I appear to have lost ours. We are in general so thankful for our church family, but there have been a couple instances of judgement like this and it is beginning to make me want to keep to myself. Feeling so discouraged.
And all this is happening the week before my due date.
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